Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
