"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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