its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
