i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
