My brain says no but my pants say off.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
