I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
