so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
