would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
