I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
