We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Boobs speak an international language.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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