oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
