dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
