i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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