I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
