I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
