Porn is love you can see.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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