i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
