it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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