I'm gonna have a badass scar
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
