Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
