WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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