You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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