just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
