put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
