A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
only you would photoshop your dick
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
