um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
