my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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