can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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