I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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