I hate your face
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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