I got chris browned last night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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