I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
