Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
