Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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