You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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