dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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