I just cut my nipple shaving
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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