Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
