My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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