morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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