the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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