38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
