She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
