Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
