i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So much Jack, so little girl.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
