I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
