Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
