Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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