If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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