Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
