Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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