I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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